Every time I remove a boot, it creates a vacuum-like black hole. Except, instead of swallowing stars and space junk, all it wants is my socks. Every single day. There I am, hopping around on one leg while yanking my chewed-up sock back onto my naked foot.

And I'm not the only one. It seems that every place you go this time of year, there are no-nonsense signs taped up in every entranceway, lobby and window ordering: NO WINTER BOOTS BEYOND THIS POINT. We have a sign like that at my office. Honestly, you really can't wear winter boots inside all day: they're wet, hot and they don't match your outfit. But then that means you need a pair of "indoor shoes" on standby. Yes, you need to bring extra footwear because your primary footwear is such a pain in the arse it's not even allowed in. The only other time I ever had "indoor shoes" was in kindergarten. I wish I could just leave my Snoopy high-tops in my cubby and wear those everyday. And get a nap time too.

You know what amuses me? The fact that we try to pretty up our winter boots. No amount of tassles, wedge heels or faux fur is going to hide the fact that they are big and bulky. Remember that trend a couple of years back when girls were lumbering around in faux fur winter boots? I don't mean a little decorative trim here and there - I mean, full-on Yeti feet. When two girls passed on the street (dressed in winter-appropriate toddler-sized jackets and leggings), sometimes their boots would lunge at each other. Actually, I think a few of those boots had to be put down. And for the record, even animals with actual fur aren't fans of winter boots. Ever see a dog walk in those things? Looks like they're pulling taffy off the ground.

You can't ever be ladylike in winter boots. You can only clomp. You feel like a stormtrooper walking through the mall. You can't sneak up on anyone. Driving is annoying. And it's not over when you get home. Winter boots track in dirty, melting snow and little rocks. Our front hall has so many little black flecks of debris in it, it looks like we fought off a pepper grinder home invasion.

With a good two months left of winter, I've got many more weeks of struggle left with my winter boots. But I'll keep holding out for summer. When I can switch gears to bashing unkempt toes and ugly flip flops.